- Thoughts from the third world -

I have a flu I feel dizzy I’m f*king sick
It’s hard to breath and now you’re like this.
After a ton of promises that’s what you do
break them all with some jackasses, What a fool!

I still believe in you and your salvation
I think you can be awesome if you really try
I wish you could keep in mind your goals
with every sip of that you have.

Right now I wonder: What did I do wrong?
Do I deserve this? Is this my fault?
But I know the answer. Since day 1 you’ve been like this.
An asshole drunk who hurts me with his words.

Why I can’t leave you once and for all?!
Every time I try my hearts skips a beat. I’m afraid.
I don’t wanna be alone by myself in this world
I need you to love me and make me feel secure. 

I really do love you and I wish you could be better.
I know you can but I don’t know why you like being a slave.
I wanna set you free from all your vices and prejudice.
But You’re will is needed to finally end this game. 

You’re self destructing you, you know it right?
I think you notice but don’t do a thing to change it
I wanna understand your actions and thoughts
I need to believe you’re more than a brainless jerk 

It’s hard to believe how you don’t care
my heart really aches just to realize it
I thought you’d fight harder for this
to keep alive the love we shared.

I’m feeling scare for what tomorrow could bring
Rainbows of happiness and birds of freedom 
or maybe cries of despair and tears filled with fear
A mixture of both that’s my best bet.

But PLEASE! Say something you dumb!
You left me when I needed you
Will you even say you’re sorry
or you’ll keep pretending that it’s alright.

I’m tired but mostly scared of the loneliness
I can’t be without you but It’s hurts to be with you
You keep me away and that’s when the pain comes
That sick emotion that yells that I’m worthless 
And there’s no reason why would you care.

I’m sitting right here
thinking about you and me.
How did this change
when my love go away.

I waited for you all day long
and all that I got was a call
a simple message saying you won’t come
another night being by my own.

I still remember those days we spend together
talking about our love and other stuff.
Now It seems like a decade or so
I wish we could talk as we did before.

Childish things round my head now at days
I know I should be more mature for my age
Is just I have so much fun living with my innocence
But for you is just randomness that soon will go off.

I don’t really know who I am anymore
neither I know what I want for my life at this point
I just wish I could be young forever
and don’t worry about love, marriage or any job.

So I’m still undecided if I’ll grow up 
or if I’ll be a girl for a little while.
But the thing is, Will you still love me?
or your used to be by mi side
that don’t realize that maybe
I’m not what you want anymore.

I’m also scared to leave you
but I also wish to feel that freedom
that sense of being able to conquer the world
and that the future could  bring me happiness
and everything that I wanted.

I’m just confused
I don’t know what I’ll do….

You must be wondering how someone from a poor country can write in english. Well let me open your eyes, here we can speak english, french, german and other languages as well. Being poor doesn’t make you stupid or limits you to learn new things. You are the only one capable to limit yourself.

Well my propose here is to talk about my random problems and my life sometimes. Just to express myself.

Today Dec 7, 2011 I decided to open this blog. This was boring day I slept all the afternoon having the hope that I’ll go out to a pub in the night. Yes, there are pubs in the third world, not very many but there are some.

The sad thing is that when I called my friends everyone was busy or didn’t want to go out (boring ppl). Instead my younger sister asked me where I was planning to go, I told her and guess what? She ended up going out with her friends and I’m here at home getting bored by myself.

I’ll fangirl all night thinking about how different could be my life if I lived in another country.